To Pick Up The Pieces

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To Pick Up The Pieces

Post by it's attitude, baby on Fri Jan 18, 2008 1:59 pm

Well due to the incident on the official McFly board, I will be posting some of my stuff on here, as I feel like this is the only sane place with nice people.

I will be posting Broken Hero, but firstly I want to post this so things makes sense.

Title: To pick up the pieces
Author: Michelle (me)
Chapters: 103
Rating: 13/14+
Disclaimer: Well... I own the story...
Dedications: my lovely readers <3
Pairing: PoynterJudd & a bit of FletcherJudd
A/N: Involves dealings with anorexia. Also swearing, self harm, rape etc.

dunno if i forgot some details.
if so i will edit as the first chapter is posted.
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Re: To Pick Up The Pieces

Post by it's attitude, baby on Fri Jan 18, 2008 2:00 pm

Chapter 1. – I’m Letting Go
Harry's Pov
I wrapped my arms around my cold body as I followed my band up on the stage. I felt like a shadow that was just there. Like I wasn’t important, and not a part of them.
My eyes fell on the youngest of us. His beautiful eyes shone as he turned around and accidentally made eye-contact with me. He blushed slightly and turned around quickly. And never once did I see a smile on his cute little lips. It had been quite a long while since I had seen it, actually. And I was longing to see it again.
It was like the band started to fall apart. Sure, the three of them stayed quite close to each other while I slowly slipped away. Yet, I had a feeling they never noticed.
I watched how Dougie picked his bass up, his hands trembling madly as he fiddled with the straps. His whole body shook hysterically and he started to back away slowly.
It was as if everything was going in slow-motion and the sweat started to run down my burning forehead. My whole body felt numb as I watched Dougie sway, side to side before his hand lost its grip around the neck of his bass, and his other hand lost the contact with the strings they had just been resting on.
His head shot around and once again he quickly made eye-contact with me. And in his eyes I could see how he for some reason was scared, and I could see pain in them. Not to mention the visible panic in the faded pools of blue.
Suddenly his whole face turned into a deathly shade of while, and his eyes rolled back in their sockets. He looked dead, yet alive.
And then he collapsed.
With my heart in my throat I just sat there, my eyes were stuck on the small bassist lying in a small heap on the floor, his bass under him. I couldn’t do anything. My whole body was rooted at the spot. I couldn’t move away from behind my drums. I saw it all but I wasn’t able to help him. I wanted to run over to him so badly, so I could pick his fragile body up in my arms and cradle him close to me. I wanted to place soft and gentle kisses on his forehead to somehow comfort him and help him. I was just not able to. How much my heart wanted to and my brain wanted to, I just couldn’t force my body to move.
It wasn’t until I could see paramedics surround him, that I managed to make my body move and run away from my drum-kit, down to the unconscious body lying on the stage floor.
“Dougie… Oh my god…” I whimpered as I dropped down next to him, but immediately the paramedics dragged me away from there. Voices tried to make their way into my head but I never listened to anyone. I just focused on my band mate that was in the end put on a stretcher with a blanket over him – brought away from the stage and the screaming fans.
I was left there, on the stage where I sat with tears falling down my cheeks constantly and my mind invaded with questions I could never find answers to.
Why did that happen? Is something wrong with Dougie? Is he hurting for some reason? Why? Just why did that happen to our baby? Would he ever open up to us and tell us why?

As I felt a pair of arms around my by then sob wrecked body, I just let a loud whimper escape my lips and I let my own arms find their way around the persons neck.
“It’s okay, Haz, it’s okay.” Tom soothed, as he started to rub my back in an attempt to comfort and calm me down.
But nothing except from knowing what was going on with Dougie and if he was okay, would calm me down. Nothing else in the whole wide world.
I loved Dougie, more than anything in the world. He was my baby. He was the whole bands baby and from the beginning when the band started, we always looked after him, protected him from any hurt he could ever be able to feel. And it was until now we did a good job, until the band started to fall apart. We failed.
“Come on. Let’s go home…” Danny said quietly as he placed a hand on my back.
Tom started to pull in me, and after a while’s trying he managed to pull me up from the stage-floor – his arms still wrapped around my body that was still shaking.
By then I was just shocked. The fear for my secret love had disappeared and every other emotion was gone. And shock took over me like a big wave or some storm.
I couldn’t control it anymore. The second I ripped myself away from Tom’s arms, it was like I wasn’t in control of my mind and my body.
“Harry!” Tom shouted with panic clear in his tone. Both he and Danny sprinted after me the second I ran towards the door to the arena, ripping them up so I was met by the rain that started to fall heavily down on me. It didn’t matter to me. Because something in me told me that my broken and aching heart was desperate to find out if Dougie was okay by then. It somehow told me that I couldn’t live without knowing.
What if something serious happened with him and the doctors lost him? I wouldn’t be able to live without having Dougie around me, around the whole band. It would tare me apart until I was left lying in small pieces spread everywhere. I loved him too much.
“Harry, stop!” Danny shouted, exhaustion clear as his voice reached me and that second I collapsed in the middle of the road. I immediately broke down in tears, unable to keep them away anymore. They just fell and I wasn’t controlling them.
Sobs took over my body, and it got harder and harder to breathe.
“P-please…Dougie… P-p-please b-be okay…” I pleaded. I know I might have been over-reacting. But how would you have felt if someone so near you had just been looking like a ghost before that special person just collapsed and you had no idea what was going on?
Most probably, you would’ve also been ‘overreacting’, because it wasn’t very funny at all.
“Harry, come on. Let’s just go home now. You’re soaked to the bones and you will catch a cold if you stay out here any longer. It’s nearly freezing. Come on.” Danny begged as they reached me, and they immediately picked my shaking body up from the ground so they could start leading me to our car. I didn’t even have any powers to try and fight them off. I gave up completely, I didn’t bother doing anything. Instead I just let them walk along the road with me.
My mind was fuzzy and my legs were on their way to give up any second, yet I had to try and stay strong the moment where I was feeling as if I was going to pass out.
Deep inside my mind, pictures of Dougie was flooding my mind, pictures of how he was all white. His whole body was pale; nearly white. His eyes closed and his small and pretty lips were some blue colour.
I could see how we had lost him. He was dead in my mind.


:**
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Re: To Pick Up The Pieces

Post by xcutexangelx on Fri Jan 18, 2008 2:30 pm

OMG..
Awesome..
Let him be ok.. Crying or Very sad

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Re: To Pick Up The Pieces

Post by Music* on Sat Jan 19, 2008 5:27 am

Poor, poor Dougie Sad

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Re: To Pick Up The Pieces

Post by it's attitude, baby on Sun Jan 20, 2008 7:15 am

:**



Chapter 2. – I’m not through the night
Harry's Pov
“Why didn’t we know, Tom?! Why the hell didn’t we know?!” I shouted with the tears streaming down my cheeks as I paced the corridor outside Dougie’s room in the hospital.
“Harry, please calm down.” Tom whimpered. “He hid it too well, I guess. Just please calm down before some doctor or nurse forces you to leave the hospital. You know Dougie will probably want you there when he wakes up. He needs us to believe in him and be there for him. Who knows how he feels deep inside? He doesn’t tell us everything. So we have to be there for him, let him know we are.” I shook my head at him and let a laugh of my lips. Not any laugh because of amusement. It was just some sort of a sad laugh..
“What if he doesn’t wake up? What if he dies?”
For three hours I had been sitting outside the room Dougie was in, in the intensive care part of the hospital. Tom had after a long while’s half-arguing went out in the car to drive the three of us to the hospital. It hadn’t been easy to convince him, as he seemed a bit scared about the whole thing that was going on. And when we had finally arrived at the hospital I feared what the doctors would say to us, about Dougie’s condition.
And as I feared, it wasn’t happy news.

“Oh, Tom…Dan… what are we going to do?” I whimpered as I threw myself down in one of the chairs in the waiting room, after we had been told to sit down there and wait for a doctor to come and talk to us.
“I don’t know, Haz… He’ll be fine. You know how Doug is. He never gives up. He’s a fighter, Harry, he’ll be okay. Trust me.” Tom murmured as he wrapped his arms around me, and automatically pulled me up from the chair I had just sat down in.
I closed my eyes and buried my face in the crook of Tom’s neck. Whimpers left my lips, mixing with the sobs that took over me seconds later. And they just wouldn’t leave me alone.
“What if he can’t fight? What if something is wrong with him? I don’t want to lose him…” I whimpered quietly, at the same time, I tightened the grip around Tom as if I was afraid that he would let go of me and leave me alone in that mess.
“Harry, please don’t have thoughts like that. You have to keep holding on, for Dougie. Believe in him. Keep your hope up. He’ll be okay. Come on, let’s get you down on one of the chairs again. Just relax, Haz. Doug will be fine, okay?” I nodded slowly, desperately trying to tell myself that over and over again in my mind. But it didn’t work so well.
For hours we sat there, so nervous that we were nearly shaking as we waited for some doctor to come out and talk to us about Dougie. Every hour was long and nerve wrecking. It killed me slowly, and my heart rate increased a little more each time someone walked past. And a heavy rock fell in my heart as I saw that it was just a nurse.
“Are you relatives or friends to Mr. Poynter?” said a sudden voice that made me jump right up from my seat with wide eyes.
“Yes! We’re his best mates.” I half shouted right in the doctor’s face as I desperately waited for him to start telling us about Dougie.
“I think you might want to take a seat before I say anything…” All I could do was to stare at the man in front of me, his serious expression and his clip-board that he was holding tightly in his hands. His eyes looked down on it before up at us again, as we slowly backed over to the chairs we had recently sprung up from.
“W-what is wrong?” I stuttered quietly, as I tried to calm down the second Danny placed his hands on each of my shoulders to push me down in the chair completely, since I refused to sit down properly. “Please tell me he is okay…”
“His condition is a bit unsure. But he’s okay right now. If he will get worse or better… we can’t tell yet. Your friend is suffering from anorexia.” I gasped at his words. They just cut through my heart. Before it ripped my heart out of my chest and jumped on it, letting it bleed on the floor. The words were so strong and I could feel the oxygen refusing to get down to my lunges. I desperately tried to breathe, while I shook my head.
“W-w-what? What? No… He can’t…” I stuttered, and I could feel the tears brimming my eyes before they slowly started to fall down my cheeks rapidly. Never once did they stop and sobs soon took over my body as I let out all my feelings by the tears and sobs. I couldn’t help it.

“He’s badly underweight. And when his clothes were removed and they lifted him over in another bed you could see his ribs. But it’s not too bad yet. Sure it’s always serious but he’s not too far into it... Okay, we can’t tell for sure about how long he’s been doing things to himself. But we will talk to him. All we want is to get him healthy as quickly as possible before it gets any worse. It’s a long recovery but if you help him, it won’t be too hard to handle. Just let him take his time. Though I must say he will be kept here for a while so we can keep an eye on him.” The doctor gave the three of us a sympathetic smile before he coughed lightly and cocked his head to the side. “I’m sure Mr. Poynter will wake up very soon, and I don’t know if one of you would want to be there? I’m sure it will be a little bit comfortable for him and he won’t concentrate so much on the machines around him. It most probably won’t scare him if one of you are there. So you three can decide which one of you will go. Because unfortunately I can only allow one of you in there.” Danny and Tom looked at me, I could really feel their gazes on me.
“Harry, you’ll go. I know how much you love Dougie.” Tom murmured as he wrapped his arms around me before we all three stood up and the doctor placed a hand on my shoulder.
He led me down the corridor and over to a room, where he stopped and looked at me with a stern look.
“Take it easy in there and keep strong.” He sent me another sympathetic smile and opened the door, and I slid into the room.
It was quite dark in there, and nearly quiet. The only sound that was heard was the beeping from the machines, and the sound of my breathing. A small lamp was placed on a nightstand next to the bed where my angel laid completely still.
“Oh baby…” I gasped as I carefully sat down in the chair that was placed next to his bed. His hands were resting on his stomach and his eyes were tightly closed. His lips weren’t the nice pink colour they used to be. Instead they were kind of blue, mixed with a pale colour. And the rest of his face was pale. His fringe was covering his left eye, and slowly I raised a hand that I brought up to gently brush it away – revealing his eyes. “Why didn’t we notice?”


That was the last thing I remember before I cuddled up in that chair and cried myself to sleep. Never once did Dougie open his eyes when I was in there. He just slept. Or yes, were unconscious. I was longing for him to open his eyes and look up at me with his pools of blue. So that I could tell him that everything would be okay.
But when that would happen? I didn’t know. I was just hoping that my desperate begging for him to be okay would be enough to make him open his eyes.


:*
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Re: To Pick Up The Pieces

Post by xcutexangelx on Sun Jan 20, 2008 7:32 am

Noo..
Let him open his eyes..

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Re: To Pick Up The Pieces

Post by it's attitude, baby on Tue Jan 22, 2008 11:52 am

(: maybe.



Chapter 3. – No one sees me cry
Dougie's Pov
My heart beat increased hysterically and my breathing got quicker. A muffled and weird whimper fell off my lips as my throat was burning and I could hardly breathe. My eyes shot open and desperately I glanced around the room as I tried to figure out where I was, and what had happened to me. Did I fall asleep or what the fuck happened?
I didn’t recognise anything at all. The room had white walls that had a few photo-frames hanging on them. Some of them were pictures of the ocean and some of them were pictures of trees and such like nature. Yet, I didn’t know where I was.
I kept glancing around me, seeing machines and other weird things standing around me where I was laying in a bed.
Panic took over me and I brought my hands up to my face and I let them hoover across my face. I could feel something that was stuck into my mouth, and desperately I tried to pull whatever it was, out from my mouth. It all scared me. I had no idea where I was or what was going on. I didn’t even have a clue about what had happened to me.
Giving up the desperate shuffling that also started, I let my eyes slowly shut as I could feel the energy vanish quicker than anything. I just made myself exhausted. There was no need in doing what I did. Instead I let my right hand move over my left arm, feeling things that were sticking into my arms. Muffled whimpers kept falling off my lips as I slowly started to understand. I must have been in a hospital. But why?
Tears started to fall down my cold cheeks and I closed my eyes tightly. But before I managed to burst out sobbing, the door to the room slowly opened and I could hear the sound of someone entering it. My head shot up from the pillow and I stared at Harry with wide eyes, my heart started to pound ten times faster and I was so relieved to see him.
“Dougie! You’re awake!” he nearly shouted as he half ran over to my bed. He placed a gentle hand on my forehead and started to stroke it slowly and gently, making me lay my head back down on the pillow. “I’ll just call a nurse” he smiled as he pushed a button next to my bed. And seconds later a nurse and a doctor rushed through the door. Once again panic took over me and I started to struggle with my last energy as they started to touch me.
“Pull the tube out the second he has calmed down.” I heard the doctor tell the nurse as he tried to hold me down. “Mr. Poynter… Mr. Poynter! You have to calm down. Okay?”
I just shook my head and looked pleadingly at him, and before I had a chance to actually calm down, all my energy was drained from me. I even thought I would stop breathing for a second. I just didn’t have the energy to move any body part at all.
“That’s it… Good boy…” the nurse said with a smile as they got the tube out from my throat. Another burning feeling went through my throat and as the tube was completely out I started to cough so bad that I even got trouble with breathing. My chest ached and I wished I was dead. It hurt so much. “Get some rest, Dougie…” she smiled at me once again, before stepping away from the bed slightly for a few seconds. “You can talk to your visitor for a few minutes while we’re just going to go and get some things. Mr. Judd, take it easy with him.” She looked at me first and then over at Harry, and I did the same.
He just sat there, his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks red, they looked sore.
“Dougie… Why didn’t you tell us?” Harry asked quietly, I nearly couldn’t hear him.
“W-What do you mean?” I stuttered. I was confused. Yet I had a feeling that I knew what he was talking about. I just didn’t let my brain register it.
“The weight-loss! Don’t play stupid, Doug! Just, why… Why didn’t you open up to us? To me? I thought we trusted each other! And why did you do it?” the fact that he shouted at me made me flinch in my bed and close my eyes as my heart ached.
“I just… did what?” a small whimper fell off my lips and Harry shot up from his chair. Small sobs took over his body and he shook hysterically as he paced the room.
“Dougie, please… Don’t say ‘did what’ or anything like that. You know what I’m talking about! I’m just worried about you! Do you know how lost I would be if you died?” I was just about to open my mouth and right that second the door flew open, and the doctor and nurse entered the room once again.
Harry whimpered while he shook his head slightly and went back to the chair where he dropped down. He placed his head in his hands and shot me one last glance, before the doctor coughed lightly, taking my attention.

“Mr. Poynter, if you could please stand up from the bed…” he said, not once taking his eyes away from the clipboard in his hands. “Ann, help him…” The nurse went over to the bed and removed the covers from me. She took my hand in her and helped me off the bed. But it wasn’t for so long I stood on my feet, and before she could react, I was laying on the floor in a heap.
A whimper escaped my lips and before I could react or understand what was happening, black dots started to dance in front of my eyes and all sound became distant. And I let my head fall to the side, onto the floor and my eyes became shut.

Waking up, I found that I was laying in the bed again. A cover and a few blankets were pulled over me and pillows were tucked around my head. Yet, I was freezing. My whole body shook hysterically. I should’ve been warm!
“Dougs… You’re awake again.” A weak voice reached my ears and I groaned as I turned my head to the side so I was facing Tom. “Glad to see you with your eyes open.”
“Why…what…Tom… my head hurts…” I whimpered, and tears started to trickle down my cheeks slowly as I looked at Tom pleadingly.
“Dougie, why didn’t you tell us so we could help you?” Tom shook his head at me as he ignored my previous comment. Instead he pulled his chair closer to my bed and took my pale hand in his big and warm one. And that made me want to cry even more.
I knew exactly what he was talking about. Yet, I didn’t want them to know that. I wanted it to be my secret. But I guess I didn’t do a very good job with keeping it secret.
I hated myself. I hated myself more than I ever hated anything else. And one of the reasons for why I never told anyone was because it was my own problem and fault. It was my fault I looked like I did and was as disgusting as I was. So there wasn’t any reason to get the other guys involved in my pathetic problem.
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Re: To Pick Up The Pieces

Post by Critical Acclaim on Tue Jan 22, 2008 11:59 am

I love this fic

I love you for writing it.

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Re: To Pick Up The Pieces

Post by xcutexangelx on Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:21 pm

Grrrrrreat fic..!!

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