Always and Never. [Ch.3!]

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Always and Never. [Ch.3!]

Post by it's attitude, baby on Sun Jan 13, 2008 2:25 pm

Welllll, i have this posted on another board but I will post it on here.
It is the 4th one in like... a Fouroligy xD i cant say triology so yahhh.
But this one CAN speak for itself.

Title: Always and Never
Author: Michelle (me)
Chapters: -
Rating: 14+
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story, especially lots of Dougie's personal thoughts, as I can relate to them. I do not own the possibly posted song lyrics.
A/N: Swearing, violence, self harm, rape etc. Possible death.
Pairing: PoynterJudd
Summary: Dougie's facing his darkest time in his life, lost in his own thoughts, standing between his heart and his mind. Hoping he's got Harry by his side, he struggles to fight what he believes is real.

Oh and yeahh, this might be my darkest fic ever.


Last edited by it's attitude, baby on Tue Feb 26, 2008 2:40 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Always and Never. [Ch.3!]

Post by it's attitude, baby on Sun Jan 13, 2008 2:27 pm

Essex, Franklin Psychiatric Ward, December 28th 2007.

"Maybe he wasn't ready?"
"His condition was stabile."
"We've been fooled before, and you also know how it ended."
"Send a car for Poynter. And tell them to bring his files."


Dougie Poynter, male, eighteen years old.
Suicidal.
Schizophrenic.

Hopeless
~
Chapter 1. – Dougie’s Point Of View
Razor blades makes perfect lines


Crimson red, glistering droplets running down my arm. I watched them intently while scratching up another one of the gashes that had been created on my right arm.
I had to get rid of the pain that bothered me, the agony that cut through my whole body and shredded me into pieces.
I glanced over at the bandage that laid abandoned on the floor. It had previously covered my arm but the demons told me to take it off. The demon that had created the gashes on my arms didn’t like that I wore the bandage, It liked to watch its creations and if I wore a bandage as a protection so the gashes wouldn’t get infected, It couldn’t see what It had done to me as It attacked me.
I winced as another scab was scraped off by my short nails and I took a deep breath, trying to fight the tears away. I could feel the frustration growing in me. I wanted so desperately to get rid of the pain, numb my feelings away.



I glanced over at Tom and Harry who sat fast asleep in the sofa where I had previously been sitting curled up in between them. Their protective and warm arms had been wrapped around me, and I had been resting my head calmly against Harry’s rising and falling chest.
I felt so loved, so happy to have him and Tom there for me. And it made me feel so guilty that I never showed Harry just how much I actually loved him and how glad I deep inside was because he tried to help me. I needed them.


’You’re our, Dougie. Not theirs. They can’t help you. They can’t treat you the way we do. They just want to hurt you, in the end they will turn their backs against you and you will regret that you didn’t listen to us. Leave them, come to us. We’ll take care of you, better than they can ever do.’

I breathed out and let a salt tear slip down my right, bruised cheek as I dropped onto the floor to curl up in a small ball with my arms covering my head.

”G-Go away…” I whimpered quietly and I shut my eyes violently.

’We’re your friends, Dougie. We’re never going away.’

My arms flung away from my head and I squirmed so I laid on my stomach. I clawed on the wooden floor, digging my nails viciously into it as I cried out – screaming for the demons to leave me alone and never come back.
”It’s gone… It won’t hurt you again. It’s never to be seen again.”
Harry’s words echoed around in my torn apart mind. I wanted to believe what he said after what had happened. But it wasn’t true, even though how hard he probably believed it himself. They weren’t gone. They were still there, hunting me, trying to tear me apart.
And they did a damn good job too.


“Dougie!” Harry’s voice forced itself into my head but still I didn’t stop screaming, squirming and clawing the floor. I continued it all. “Dougie, stop it! Stop!”
I could feel a pair of hands on me. A pair of hands that were placed on me to calm me down, but all it did was to make me more hysteric, panicked and violent.
I squirmed for all I was worth, I screamed until my throat was killing me, protesting and refusing to make more noises, create more agony screams.
”Dougie, baby, please stop it. You’re scaring me.” Harry sobbed loudly and he let go of my still struggling, kicking and squirming body. I took no notice of his words though, I only heard him speaking to me, sobbing for me to stop.
I couldn’t care less than I did, even though I deep inside my heart cared so, so much about him. I didn’t want to frighten him. But I did, and it wasn’t on purpose.


:**
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Re: Always and Never. [Ch.3!]

Post by xcutexangelx on Sun Jan 13, 2008 2:43 pm

Oooh..
good fic..
I love Poynter/Judd fics.. Cool

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Re: Always and Never. [Ch.3!]

Post by Critical Acclaim on Mon Jan 14, 2008 9:27 am

I edited the thought pattern bits to Italics
clown
You know I love this one.

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Re: Always and Never. [Ch.3!]

Post by it's attitude, baby on Thu Jan 17, 2008 6:53 am

ahaa, okay, thanks ^^


Here's another chapter (:


Chapter 2. – Dougie’s Point Of View

Let me out, save me




The touch was so soothing, calm but in a way still shaking and unsure. I shook violently. My screams died out and I was too weak to fight against for freedom. I gave up everything, the screaming, kicking and squirming.

I opened my eye slowly, a sob being let of my trembling lips as I found myself looking straight into Harry’s tear filled pools of blue. They were so brimmed with tears, red tainted and sore. His lower lip trembled as he was on his way to speak, but he shut his mouth while shaking his head. And at the same time he picked my broken and fragile body up in his arms to pull me close.
”I love you, baby. So much…” he sighed sadly and he let me bury my face in the crook of his neck. “Tom, get some new bandages.” He placed a hand on the back of my head to stroke my hair calmly, desperate to calm my sob wrecked body down. “Dougie, what happened?” His tone made my heart ache. Pure worry. It hurt; it hurt so much that I can’t even describe how it really felt. But I didn’t like it. “Dougie, please talk to me.”
Desperation was evident in his tone. It sent a shiver down my spine and I pressed myself closer to him than I thought was possible. I needed to feel close to him.
”I-I’m never getting a-away…” I sobbed into him. “T-They’re here…”



I screeched in pain as something was dragged along my back. Immediately Harry let go of me and I fell to the floor, writhing in pain as scream after scream tumbled off my dry lips. The agony was overwhelming and it made me want to be sick as what I supposed was the demon, dragged his long, razor sharp claws along my back.
”Dougie!” Harry screamed and he took a tight grip on me to pull me over to him, but I could feel how the demon grabbed my ankle in his skeleton hands to laugh and pull me away from Harry. I knew that Harry was aware of what was happening, he knew I didn’t mess around with him. “Tom!” he screamed. “Tom, help me!”



Everything became blurry, distant. I couldn’t even hear my own crying. All I was aware of with a distance was Harry and Tom pulling desperately in me, trying to get me away from the demon. In my head I could only hear distant laughing and cheering, the demons of my head knowing exactly what was going on. But in the end, I had no idea how many they were, if it was just voices I was generally hearing or what it was.

In the end the demon let go of me, and in the matter of a second I laid with my head against the wall, my back against Harry and Tom who sat behind me on the floor, panting and crying in fear.
”Dougie?” Harry’s voice was just a blur. The second he turned me around to place my heavy head on his lap, I could hardly even focus my gaze on his eyes. No matter how desperate I was to actually do it. “Dougie, baby? Can you hear me?” He was getting more and more distant. I could hardly hear him, see him. I only heard some annoying buzzing in my head. I only saw black spots dancing in front of my eyes, I heard laughing; laughing coming from the spots.
I knew though, I was only getting crazier. Of course the spots weren’t laughing at me for real. My head was just playing with me, making me believe weird stuff that weren’t even real. As always… It was normal for me in some weird way.



My head was heavy. My eyes glazed and only small, meaningless groans tumbled off my lips every now and then, as I desperately tried to focus my tired eyes on Harry who stood next to me. He was blurry but I could still see him. And there was a woman next to him. Where was I?
”Dougs?” Harry whimpered.
”He might seem awake but he’s still affected by the anaesthetic, Mr. Judd.” The woman said. What the fuck was she going on about? Who the hell was she? Where the fuck was I and why was everything basically faded but I was still awake? What am I talking about?
”Wha…whe..Hawy…” Everything I tried to say came out weird. I fought to speak but it was all pointless. I raised a hand, hardly aware of what I was actually doing, but a tiny wave of relief washed over me as I felt Harry taking my hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly.
”It’s okay, Dougs. I’m here.” He murmured and I could see in the corner of my eyes with my blurred gaze how Harry sat down. “I love you so much, baby.”




:**
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Re: Always and Never. [Ch.3!]

Post by xcutexangelx on Thu Jan 17, 2008 6:59 am

I'm trying not to sound standard,, but great part.. What a Face

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And the mood is right.
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So tell me why should I,
Fuck with you?



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Re: Always and Never. [Ch.3!]

Post by it's attitude, baby on Tue Feb 26, 2008 2:38 am

Chapter 3. – Dougie’s Pov

Thrown aside, burned alive




For another time my eyes flickered open, I could hardly feel my body but I could at least see clearly instead of all blurred.
I was facing a white roof, the colour blinding my yet a bit unsteady gaze. I whimpered and moved my arm, panicking as I felt something that was wrapped around it.
”Oh god… Oh no…” I muttered hysterically to myself as I started to rip the bandage of off my arm. The demons would get mad if they found out something was covering what they wanted to see. They couldn’t see the long gashes, and that was bad.
Tears where flying from my eyes and in the end as I didn’t manage to get the bandage off, I gave up and defeated I sunk back in the bed I was laying in.
Instead I tried to figure out where I was. My guesses were that I was in hospital for some reason. I didn’t like it, I wanted to get out of there. I hated hospitals.
”Dougie, what’s wrong?” my gaze landed on Harry who quickly ran through the door as he had peeked his head in a bit. His eyes were wide as he watched my trembling and sobbing form, where I laid on the bed.
”H-Harry…” I whimpered pathetically. “I-I want to get out of here… I can’t feel anything…” my tone was pleading, desperate and confused.
”Oh baby, they’ve given you another dose of anaesthetic, to ease the pain in your back so you would be able to lay on it.” He soothed and he stroked my long, blonde fringe out of my frightened pools of blue. “You got us worried to death before you got here.” He did his best to smile at me as I looked at him, but how hard he even tried, he couldn’t manage to smile.
I didn’t answer him after that, I only whimpered and let my head fall to the side as I could see the black spots returning, making me dizzy before I slowly slipped out of consciousness once again.

’Don’t think we’re leaving you, Dougie. You can never escape us, we’ll be hunting you even if you’re in hospital. It doesn’t matter what happens, where it happens and who sees, we’re still going after you. Trust my words.’

’You’re pathetic, Dougie. Crying. You’re a baby. It’s forbidden to cry and you know it. How could you even think of crying.’



The next time I woke up, I was all alone in the hospital room. The lights were faded and the room half dark and warm.
Sighing I tried to move, finding it hard to even shuffle a little bit.
”Oh baby, they’ve given you another dose of anaesthetic, to ease the pain in your back so you would be able to lay on it.”
Fucking nurses. Who the fuck did they think they were… giving me anaesthetic… I would’ve been able to handle the pain, I wasn’t that weak. I wasn’t weak at all, actually.
Okay, I felt weak and defenceless against everything. I hated myself more than I hated anything else in the world and I wished they would just let me fade away until nothing was left of me. I wouldn’t care, so why would they?

I laid there, shaking by all the sobs that took over my body. The tears streamed down my cheeks as an endless river and it made me so frustrated that my body was so numb that by the anaesthetic that I couldn’t move.
I needed Harry. I needed him to stroke my hand with his thumb and tell me everything would be okay. My mind was so tangled together that I could hardly think anymore. It was all so confusing.

:**
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Re: Always and Never. [Ch.3!]

Post by xcutexangelx on Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:51 am

Poor Dougs.. Sad

More soonies.. Razz

_________________
She's starin'
And the mood is right.
Music blarin' and the ladies are lookin' nice.
I'm lookin' good and you know it too.
So tell me why should I,
Fuck with you?



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